grieving for apt#6

A new apt#6 has arrived. So far, Liz has moved out and Jamie is staying, alone. In my opinion, we both needed more space in our lives and this big empty space of Liz's old room represents that room to grow.

I sent an email to Liz on the night that she left. Some of it may be a bit cryptic, like the 2 part movie that I watched in small doses over a week and a half, The Lost Prince (about Prince John, the son of King George V of England). Also, I already turned Liz's room into a gym, so the above picture is already outdated.

Dear Liz,
I'm laying on your empty floor, crying at the moment. I moved the bikes into the room and rode for 2 hours while I finally finished the Lost Prince. Little Johnnie dies from the complications of his epilepsy at age 14. I had related with Lila, his caregiver, because she diligently tried to teach and care for him and no one really cares for her. Not that I am teaching royalty, but I get the same passions and sense of futility when teaching my own little disabled students.
I'm probably also crying because I miss a sense of what "our" life used to be. But it's not that life anymore because you have moved on to a less confining life than this empty room and I needed space to grow into this very place.

I didn't cry during the Relief Society broadcast, even though my deep thoughts brought me to a realization that I could easily cry. They talked extensively about "sisters" doing different jobs within Relief Society. At that moment I realized that I was the only woman in my immediate family watching the RS broadcast. Since Mindy won't see it until weeks later and Crit is in Lebanon and Niki just doesn't watch it and my mom doesn't drive to Santa Barbara for church broadcasts, I literally was a sister all alone. I tried to think of all the rationalizations that people would tell me, like, "you are not alone, you are surrounded by sisters in the church". Yeah, yeah, I know. But, today of all days, when even Liz left, in a pathetic way I felt a sense of being alone.
I guess it all comes down to grieving. But like a pheonoix from the ashes, I will rise as a new creature (quote from 30 Rock). We both will!