letter of lament

Letter to a third roommate in apt #6 (not that Liz and I have a third roommate, nor is this an open call for a border. Conversely, this is a letter I’ve thought about writing to Liz, but then my inadequate traits would make me look like an inept friend/roommate/human being. Instead, I’ve created an alter ego to take the blame.)

Dear roommates,
This morning I attempted to wash my dishes from the previous meals (all three days of them). As previously stated, I only attempted this chore and I apologize for the smelly mess that must be festering in our double sink on this summer day. I swear if we had an electric dishwasher I would be more vigilant in my cleanliness after cooking red Thai curry tofu with spinach in two big pots. By the time you get home the smell of the eggs I over-cooked (because I forgot about them while doing my hair and listening to loud music in my bedroom, thus not hearing the 12 minute boiled egg alarm in the kitchen) and subsequently didn’t clean up may have overpowered the old curry smell(s). I don’t know if the sink stench will be noticeable since I also didn’t empty the trashcan this morning. I thought about pulling the stuffed bag full of empty cartons, half eaten crepes, old tea bags and sliced strawberry stems, but I decided to check my email instead. It had been ten minutes since my last email check, and I really wanted to make sure no one had added me as a friend on facebook in those few minutes. Speaking of the kitchen, I was hoping you could stop at the store to buy more plastic sandwich baggies because I am going to take all the ones stored in the cupboards for a work project I’m working on. Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Also, I hope my 5:30am alarm doesn’t wake you tomorrow. I have to use the blender to make some smoothies before 6, but I’m sure you can sleep through the noise. Don’t forget, all the windows will be open since we don’t have air conditioning, so you’ll probably be awake from the noise of the drunken neighbors anyway. At least you won’t hear the laundry machines cleaning the piled up loads of laundry. I’m going to start some loads at 5:30 so that all your towels (the ones laying on the living room floor for 4 days) will be freshly laundered and folded by the time you get up. Remember when I went on the train and I got all those quarters from the ticket machine? I’ll use those to pay the washing machine and dryer fee.

Thanks roommies!!
Love,
Blaine

P.S. Can we get a cat?